Monday, October 15, 2007

He’s got Charlie Manson eyes…

I just watched heart medication Lipitor’s spokesperson Dr. Robert Jarvik on a commercial. I realize why I hate his commercials—he doesn’t blink. “Blink; blink I tell you; Blink!!!!!!”

We all have pet peeves. Mine is people who don’t blink. I’m scared of them. They make me uncomfortable. It’s too intense and a little Manson’esque. How hard is it throw me a little blink once in a while. A colleague used to get way up close to me, a little too close for comfort, and dump diatribes by the paragraph without a single blink. It’s torture. I miss half of what he says because I’m screaming to him in my thoughts, “Blink you freakin’ mannequin; blink!!!!!!!!” Outwardly, my eyes are probably equally as big and I just say, “m-hm, oh, yeah, I see…”.

What makes a non-blinker? Insecurity? Fear of listeners sneaking off mid-sentence? Passion? Cult-leader-envy? Blink! It might just be my own insecurity. Maybe I am afraid of them looking deep into my soul. I may be afraid they see some existential idiosyncrasy I don’t see. I may be afraid I’ll end up in a trance and have to sell flowers in the airport and possibly shoot my “pig” mailman. Maybe; but for goodness sake, despite my neurosis, give us all a break and count your blinks as you talk.

If you go two minutes without blinking as you talk to someone, consider this:

1. Two minutes? You’re talking too long and should give some else a turn.
2. It’s not good for your eyes and you’re making others feel dis-eased. Blink.
3. You may be a cult leader. Your boundaries may be poor.
4. You may have a hyperactive-thyroid. You may need medical help and post-op blinking-therapy; it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

The only people who should not be blinking are Charlie Callas and Marty Feldman. Besides them, all non-blinkers including Dr. Robert Jarvik should blink.


Bob said...

I think you are on to something.

Mrs Grim said...

You know who else doesn't blink - Michael Caine, in most of his movies. I noticed it during one once (The Muppet Christmas Carol), and then realized he does it, or I should say doesn't do it, in a lot of his roles.

Chip said...

My daughter watches that movie all the time. I liked Joan Cousack (sp?) in it. She calls them "muffins"?
I will look into Michael Caine's eyes. I hope your wrong.
"Please Mike, be a blinker".