Tonight, Kerry was at this upscale flea market in some ladies barn. She called me up frantically to bring my wallet so she could by a bunch of junk to only end up in our garage for a future yard sale. I must admit they did have some nice stuff, but I wouldn’t be a good husband if I just forked over cash without griping. I couldn’t actually admit I liked the busy estrogen-filled atmosphere either.
While lurking around, trying to find some items for me, I came across one vendor’s table that had antique ladies’ hats, handbags, and accessories. When we were younger, my brothers and I used to make a b-line for the ladies hats while waiting for mom shopping in the department store. We were the original America’s Next Top Models. Curley on the Three Stooges was funny in drag and we kids too got laughs in our big, ladies hats too.
I didn’t try on a big hat but I did try on a pair of cat eye glasses. That surely could get a little giggle from those frou-frou antiquers without making a spectacle of my wife and me. I put on those glasses and could see perfectly—20/20! They were my exact prescription and I have a stigmatism (whatever that means). I tried to read the antique books and could read. I stared at threads on vintage sweaters with glasses both on and off to realize I wasn’t crazy, I could see! It’s a miracle! And They Were 4 Dollars! Score!
Since I broke my glasses, I have had a difficult time reading books and writing sermons. I did a whole funeral Wednesday without my glasses—I was lucky I could drive there because I couldn’t find my car without my glasses! I wanted these black, cat eye spectacles, but feared Kerry and the girls would laugh at me. Kerry quietly demanded I buy them and promised she wouldn’t mock or laugh during my sermon prep. She has honored her promise but me thinks I hear a belly laugh into a towel coming from the restroom. It could be the sound of the cat in the litter box constipated again, but I don’t care; I am the proud owner of a pair of prescription Nicole Miller’s for 4 bucks. Ask your wife if she can do better than that.
Before, I never believed in the miraculous stigmata. Now I wonder. Maybe those shrines at Guadeloupe and Lourdes are true. I called this blog “Church Chat” and wonder if the cat eye glasses are a sign from beyond. Now, with my tilted Nicole Miller glasses, I can look at Kerry judgmentally and say, “Well isn’t that special?” The longer I wear these glasses, the more this blog may become more self-righteous. Heck, I may even advocate an independent 3rd party “republican” candidate.