Sunday, September 23, 2007

Tah-tah Mu-cha-cha!

Adios Carl's Jr.!
I ate my last burger from your chain (That's Hardee's too for you East Coasters).

I so didn't dig Paris Hilton washing the car with her body in a skimpy bikini while sensuously gnawing down a Carl's Jr. Burger. X (strike 1)

Soon after, CJ would sexualize animals. They had a sexy 90210-type plastic surgeon consulting a patient that her breasts were too small. The camera would pan in to a live chicken with small breasts. Kind of funny, but way inappropriate for kids. In that same era, CJ promoted its drinks by having some dude rattle a cow causing its udders to jiggle to the provocative R&B tune My Milk Shake Brings All the Boy's in the Yard, Damn Right It’s Better than Yours. Not cool. XX

Finally last month, CJ came out with sourdough bread "Flatbun Burgers". They have a scantily dressed, sexy librarian-type teacher come into a spot-lighted class. 2 Slim Shady looking cats loaded up with all sorts of bling start rapping about I Like Flat Buns (contrasted to Sir-Mix-A-Lot's I Like Big Buts), she starts gyrating like a stripper. XXX

That's when I yelled to Kerry (with the voice of Ralph Crandon of the Honeymooners), "That's it, Carl's Jr. is shut off; Shut Off!" I meant it and I mean it--shut off. I don't care if I am dying of starvation and have only a "get a free Carl's Jr. Flatbun Burger" coupon. I will crawl across the street to McDonalds and eat their toilet paper just for spite. No more Carl's Jr. My wife Kerry knows when I mean it. A nameless airline really made me angry (3 times too) and I won’t fly them no matter how cheap. (ok, I won’t say their name but take the “Cl” out of Clunited Airlines and you can guess who it is).

Incidentally, public teachers have been livid about that commercial. Female teacher's like priests have had some P.R. troubles. It's tough enough with 13 year-old boys' fantasies; they need no help from Carl's Jr. Respect for woman went out of style during the Clinton era and CJ is taking it a notch higher. After a barrage of public outrage, I was pleased to see the "I Like Flat Buns" commercial with only those Eminem looking rappers and no sexually compromised, sexually exploited teacher.


But guess what CJ, it's too late. You're shut off.
I have only one thing to say: Have a nice, finger-lickin'-good McDay; I am eating your crap no more.

2 comments:

KerryKats said...

Right on! Chip has taken a stand on this one and I totally agree with him. Our family will have no criss-cut fries or yummy fried zucchini, but we will have stood up for what is right. Thanks for being the man.
Love You,
Kerry

Chip said...

Thanx Baby Cakes, ILY2.
Let's grab a Whopper tomorrow.
chip.